Women who are attending this year’s Golden Globes (me only kind of, I don’t go to the big fancy ceremony, just the afterparty) are planning to wear all black to protest sexual assault in Hollywood, BUT ALSO BECAUSE BLACK IS SLIMMING AND DEFT AT HIDING THE FACT THAT WE ALL SPENT THE LAST MONTH EATING SNICKERDOODLES AND MYSTERIOUS MEAT LOGS FROM HOLIDAY GIFT BASKETS.  I’M LOOKING AT YOU,  MERYL STREEP, YOU GORGEOUS, DELICATELY AGING GOAL PERSON.