We are not yet trying to multiply ourselves, but moreso just in the beginning stages of preparing for that stage of life, which is to say, we are pre-pregnant, a term that I keep using and will keep using until it’s a thing. A couple most notably spends this time combing through grandparents for names, wistfully idealizing all phases of child birth and rearing, staring at other people’s babies, and sleeping til 9 AM whenever humanly possible. A woman most notably spends this time eating chicken nuggets whenever possible, drinking wine at 3 PM whenever possible, gaining ten pounds for no reason, secretly googling ‘fun maternity dress’ and living with an ever-present, low-grade HOW WILL I BRING LIFE INTO THE WORLD AND ALSO DO MY WORK panic, followed immediately by the comfort that women have been doing this for at LEAST, you know, like a few hundred years, at LEAST. To really lock in this life phase for all that it is, I’m starting myself on a regimen of pre-natal gummy vitamins, which are perfect for ANY WOMAN WHO IS STILL IN FACT A CHILD AND STILL CALLS THEIR WORK THEIR BIG GIRL JOB SO HOW THEN IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE THAT SHE WILL CREATE AND BEAR LIFE? HOW HOW HOW (STAY TUNED FOR HOW)