Nice lady at makeup counter: Hi, can I help you?
Me: Yes, um — my face is allergic to the make up I’ve been using, and so I need some other make up.
Nice lady: Okay, so like a foundation or a compact or 2 in 1?
Me:….What?
Nice lady: What kind of make up do you normally use?
Me:….I put it on my face?
Nice lady: Okay, probably a two in one. What kind of skin do you have?
Me: Skin!
Nice lady: is it oily or dry?
Me: SKIN.
Nice Lady: Okay! Do you have a primer that you use?
Me: WHAT?
Nice lady: That you put on before your makeup.
Me: Like a moisturizer?!
Nice Lady: No, it’s a different thing that goes on after your moisturizer, before your makeup.
Me: NO I DON’T HAVE THAT AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I NEVER LEARNED THESE THINGS. PLEASE HELP ME.
Nice Lady: try these products. And here’s my card with my number. Text me if you have any questions.
Me: OKAY BUT CAN I TEXT YOU IF I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, JUST IN GENERAL?
Nice Lady: Sure.
Me: YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL HANDS