Nice lady at makeup counter: Hi, can I help you?

Me: Yes, um — my face is allergic to the make up I’ve been using, and so I need some other make up.

Nice lady: Okay, so like a foundation or a compact or 2 in 1?

Me:….What?

Nice lady: What kind of make up do you normally use?

Me:….I put it on my face?

Nice lady: Okay, probably a two in one. What kind of skin do you have?

Me: Skin!

Nice lady: is it oily or dry?

Me: SKIN.

Nice Lady: Okay! Do you have a primer that you use?

Me: WHAT?

Nice lady: That you put on before your makeup.

Me: Like a moisturizer?!

Nice Lady: No, it’s a different thing that goes on after your moisturizer, before your makeup.

Me: NO I DON’T HAVE THAT AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I NEVER LEARNED THESE THINGS. PLEASE HELP ME.

Nice Lady: try these products. And here’s my card with my number. Text me if you have any questions.

Me: OKAY BUT CAN I TEXT YOU IF I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, JUST IN GENERAL?

Nice Lady: Sure.

Me: YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL HANDS