Nail person: what’re you thinking?
Me: Brown! I have a brown in my head.
Nail person: Sounds like a personal problem. Tell me about this brown in your head.
Me: a bright, happy pilgrim brown, crayola marker drawing of house brown, cartoon chocolate or wood or poop. Luminous, optimistic neon brown.
Nail person: That’s not a thing.
Me: what’s not?
Nail person: Happy pilgrim. But here are 11 other kinds of brown. Anger brown, dirt brown, sad brown, coffee brown —
Me: I’ll take the disco caramel.
Nail person: it’s called burnt leaf.
Me: That’s what I said.