THIS JUST IN, I OFFICIALLY HAVE A WEDDING DRESS! It arrived in NYC from Hungary, and is now en route to LA, which means it’s now time for my worryholder, read: my brain,  to start concocting absurd scenarios re: what might happen to it. A few favorites:

– it will get lost (basic.)

– a dress thief which is a thing will steal it.

– (obviously) the plane carrying the dress will crash into a house. Or just a car. Maybe a car next to a house.

– Someone who hates me has been lying in wait for years trying to figure out a way to get back at me for something I did to hurt them that I don’t even remember. They select this as that moment. They intercept my dress, cover it with dirt, and start the dress its own instagram, in which they take the dress all over the world, sullying it, never quite showing me where it is.

– IT NEVER ARRIVES / I HAVE DREAMT THE WHOLE THING

– MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A DREAM

– I WAKE UP IN THE MATRIX

– I PULL THE CORDS FROM MY HEAD, ASK TO SEE MY WEDDING DRESS

– I AM TOLD THERE IS NO LONGER NO SUCH THING AS DRESSES