Without fully realizing it, I booked us a stay at mindfulness resort where you are only allowed to speak ‘just above a whisper,’ where everyone just sort of sits around staring into the sun asking big questions, where there are free and actual workshops called ‘Raising Consciousness and simply ‘Juicing,’ where there is ice cold cucumber water everywhere, where there are turtles to feed and stones to walk around, just for sport. It is paradise. I don’t know what’s more wonderful and terrifying, the place itself, or HOW VERY GOOD WE ARE AT BEING HERE.

I would call the place by name, but then other people in the world would know about it other than us and every old beautiful french person currently vacationing in Southern California, and we just cannot have that.