I emerge from the bathroom with a look of horror on my face.

Morrison: ….You okay there?

Me: I’VE GAINED TEN POUNDS.

Morrison: Okay, well it doesn’t look like it.

Me: I REPEAT I’VE GAINED TEN POUNDS.

Morrison: Okay —

Me: TECHNICALLY I’M COUNTING FROM A YEAR AGO RIGHT AFTER I HAD THAT FOOD POISONING.

Morrison: Okay — let’s go get some food poisoning.

Me: OKAY GREAT DO THEY HAVE IT AT CVS?

Morrison: Let’s go find some sketchy shellfish that’s been sitting out in the sun and just go to town.

Me: OKAY THIS IS A GREAT PLAN LET’S GO.