Well.

Still wondering what to do on New Year’s Eve? WELL. The Olive Garden still has tickets for an exclusive dining event in their Time Square location, featuring a partial view of the ball drop and eggplant parm, for only 400 DOLLARS A POP. But the OG warns: you will not be able to leave the restaurant once you enter and there will definitely be a nine hour wait for the bathroom where there will be none toilet paper but hey at least you’ll be inside and not standing in the street smushed with strangers like a barrel of old bananas and that there will be ABSOLUTELY NO FREE BREADSTICKS BECAUSE LET’S NOT START A RIOT. Now If you need ME New Year’s eve, I will hiding inside spooning my crockpot and just in general reveling in my personal space.

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