IN A WORLD OF EPIC BATTLES

COKE V. PEPSI.

SUPERMAN V. LEX LUTHER.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER V. THE ALIEN.

NINTENDO V. SEGA.

HARRY POTTER V. VOLDEMORT.

GEICO V. STATEFARM.

MYSELF V. TINY EGG PIES IN BUTTER CRUSTS.

ONE WOMAN

SPENDS ELEVEN MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR RESISTING HER MORTAL ENEMY

LIKE SHE COULD IN THEORY GO TO TRADER JOES AND BUY NINE BOXES OF THEM AND EAT HER WEIGHT IN THEM

BUT SHE DOESN’T

EXCEPT FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF DECEMBER IN WHICH ALL BETS ARE OFF