Me: I don’t what the deal is, but the last few times I’ve had my teeth cleaned, it’s hurt really bad. Just a heads up in case I leap out of the chair and actually punch you in the face while you’re trying to clean them.

Very nice Hygenist: Looks like your gums in your bottom teeth are receding, is that where it —

Me: YES PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THERE.

Hygenist: Yep. Receding gums.

Me: How can I, ah. Grow them back?

Hygenist: You can’t. The damage is irreparable. You’re old. Your mouth is full of old candies and skeletons and dust.

Me: Geez.

Hygenist: Open for me.

Me: Okay but so how can I prevent the gums from receding more?

Hygenist: You need to floss.

Me:…Oh, so I should floss?

Hygenist: Yes.

Me: Like dentists have been telling me to do since I was six but I haven’t so much been doing?

Hygenist: ….Yes.

Beat.

Me: OH I FINALLY GET IT NOW!

Hygenist: Congrats!

Me: Okay, now I will finally really start to floss, now that I understand that if I don’t, my teeth will slide out of my head.

Hygenist: Great! Open.

Me: Do I get a sticker?

Hygenist: No but you do get a bill.