WHAAAADUMP

Oh, have you been reading about the shark attacks in off the coast of North Carolina this past weekend, in which TWO KIDS LOST LIMBS to sharks while swimming in just WAIST DEEP WATER? I’d just like to confirm that yes, yes, these shark attacks happened in the exact waters where my family has been reunioning for 25 years — off the coast of Oak Island, and I’d also like to just go ahead and confirm that at least for my part, THE BELOW WILL NEVER BE HAPPENING AGAIN.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW.

LAND SHARKS.

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