I have a shooting pain in my butt muscle. A literal pain in the ass. I attempted yoga to address said pain, which I don’t do that often as I am not flexible or good at sitting still, and when they say Don’t think about your day, just be here, basically all I can do is think about my day and NOT be there.  After class:

Me: Hi, can I ask you a quick question?

Yoga Teacher: Sure!

Me: I have a stabbing pain in my butt muscle —

Yoga Teacher: Glute —

Me: Yes, that — it’s real stabby and it’s shooting up and down my leg.

Yoga Teacher: Gotcha — sounds like something’s pressing on your sciatic nerve, maybe your piriformis —

Me: PERESTROIKA?

Yoga Teacher: What?

Me: LIKE THE TONY KUSHNER PLAY?

Yoga Teacher: That’s not what I said at all.

Me: Well, that’s what I heard.

Yoga Teacher: Here are some stretches for you to do.

Me: DRAMA PLAYS!