I sink

Why do I do this to myself? A plane crashed in the French Alps earlier today, flying from Barcelona to Dusseldorf. So far, it seems to have crashed for no reason. It reaches its cruising altitude, then just — sank. The fact that I was just there made me instantly internalize and personalize it. The fact that little brother Dan is currently in Spain, traveling to various parts of Europe, made me do so even MORE. (Note: Dan just texted me back. Not on the plane. Thank God.) WHY do I do this to myself? Why, whenever there’s a plane crash, do I feel like I must know everything about it? Even now, when actually flying, I feel like I’m on other side of whatever irrational worry I got so wrapped up in? I still obsess. I read. I put myself on the plane, and wonder and feel and crash with it. Is it to remind myself that I can? That I still could? Why do I feel like I MUST remember this?

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