Patroned Knots Scary farms this weekend, in which Knots berry farm, which is a SoCal amusement park owned by people who make Jam? gets overrun by fog machines and halloween mazes and most significantly, SCARE ZONES which are terrifying passageways you must walk through, in which you cannot see anything, and so you cling to your large man, but not even he can shield you from the myriad of scary costumed people who are hired by the park to LEAP OUT OF NOWHERE AND INTO YOUR FACE AND SCREAM AT YOU. They are vampires and wolfs and half dead people and sometimes weird mexican ghosts and sometimes sexy cats with ponytails, missing eyes, and they are terrifying, and you scream even when you see it coming. I want to know everything there is to know about these people. Who are they really? How hard it is to get this job? When they try and scare a person, and the person does not scream, do they get really sad? Do they sit in the breakroom, sharing Kit Kat bars, comparing scares? Do they have MFA’s? Are they alright in the head? I want to know IT ALL.

Leave a Reply