My subconscious has something strange and important to say to me. Lately it has been shouting at my through my dreams. Night before last, I was a dolphin, racing through the water to catch a plane, and last night, I was a contestant on a game show whose soul purpose was to determine whether or not Kim Kardashian was cheating on Kanye. I was in fact a very pregnant contestant, or so I thought. Towards the end of the game, Kanye came up to me and told me that it was time to go to the hospital to you know. Have a baby. I stood from my chair to you know,  head to the hospital, to have that baby, and found that my stomach was perfectly flat. Like sports bra model flat. As Kanye flipped out, where’s the baby? Where’d that baby go?! a mirror appeared and I stood there staring at my stomach, all soft and muscley and actress flat, and stroked it with awe and affection, genuinely unworried about where the baby I’d been carrying for the last nine months went. Hmmm. Subconscious: this is fun but like,  maybe just email me with a more direct version of your notes and thoughts?

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