Waiter: hi, what can I get for you guys?
Me: Glass a pinot, and the brussel sprouts.
Waiter: We’re out of brussel sprouts.
Me: I — I don’t understand —
Waiter: We don’t have them tonight.
Me: I — but that’s literally why I’m here.
Waiter: We’re out. The cauliflower is / really
Me: BUT I WANTED THE SPROUTS.
Waiter: Please stop crying.
Me: But. But.
Waiter: what If I brought you a nice warm donut covered with hazelnut ice cream?
Me: (sniffling) I don’t know. Maybe that would help.
Waiter: Okay. I’ll do that but maybe you should talk to someone about this. Like, professionally.