SPROUTS: A TRAGEDY

Waiter: hi, what can I get for you guys?

Me: Glass a pinot, and the brussel sprouts.

Waiter: We’re out of brussel sprouts.

Me:….

Waiter:……..

Me: I — I don’t understand —

Waiter: We don’t have them tonight.

Me: I — but that’s literally why I’m here.

Waiter: We’re out. The cauliflower is / really

Me: BUT I WANTED THE SPROUTS.

Waiter: Please stop crying.

Me: But. But.

Waiter: what If I brought you a nice warm donut covered with hazelnut ice cream?

Me: (sniffling) I don’t know. Maybe that would help.

Waiter: Okay. I’ll do that but maybe you should talk to someone about this. Like, professionally.

Me: ….Sprouts.

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