INT. CVS: GREETING CARDS AISLE

I peruse the cards, confused. a CVS employee passes.

CVS EMPLOYEE: Can I help you find something?

ME:  I’m looking for your Happy We Broke up One Year Ago Today and We were Both Very Depressed for a Long time but Now we’re Doing kind of Better and you have a new Girlfriend and I miss you but not in a weird way but like in a healthy way and I think of you  when  I see Chicken Nuggets Day cards. Preferably the kind where when you open it, there’s Billy Ray Cyrus music.  Is there a section, or?

CVS EMPLOYEE: Is that supposed to be funny? Because I’m mostly just sad for you.

ME: I’M TAKING MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.

Exits quickly, knocking over chocolate display / grabs fistful of those peanut butter cups shaped like hearts / RUNS