A Curling Machine?

I saw a commercial for this new Conair curling machine thing that heats up, then somehow violently sucks in a piece of your hair and spits out a curl.


In the commercial, the lady looked pretty relaxed and stoked as the hot thing ripped at her hair, and I thought, maybe I need that, but then I flashed on my hair getting caught in it, burning off half of it, and showing up for the party*, half my head on fire, lipstick smeared all over my face, DON’T I LOOK PRETTY NO ONE TOUCH MY HAIR OR STAND NEAR ME I LOOK GREAT.

(*By which I mean the imaginary party I am always meant to be prepping and ready for.)

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