There’s this girl at my gym who, each morning, hits the elliptical in the TINIEST SHORTS IN THE WORLD WITH 73% OF HER BUTT EXPOSED. I’d show you a picture of it, but I feel like photographing people while they work out is *technically* illegal, so instead, this:
This girl brings out my inner grandma. Every morning I have an imaginary mind conversation with her:
Me: Um, those shorts are really innappropriate.
Girl: No they’re not.
Me: ….I can see all of your. All of it. All. It’s like an American Apparel shrank and died on your body.
Girl: This is just what I wear.
Me: Well could you stop?
Girl: If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
Me: I can’t help it. I’m drawn to tragedy.
Girl: You’re fat.
(I run away, in tears.)