Me: Bed, I am getting in you and I am NOT getting out til I FEEL like it. I will be carrying on with life but doing all of it from bed. Do you understand me, bed?! Do you?!

Bed:…Not really.

Me: Why not?!

Bed: Because I’m a bed, and I don’t speak your language. Technically, I do not speak at all.

…Touche, bed.