I’ve never given much weight to astrology, until I guess as of late, when I’ve really been enjoying blaming all of my thoughts and behavior on my Saturn returning. But also: my whole life, or rather, since middle school, when one could start to read one’s horoscope and one could learn, before ever really even liking a boy, that it’s a good week to Get Real with your Romantic Partner, I’ve been told that Gemini (my sign) means Twins. Duality, a split personality. I’ve never really gave much thought to this other than, well, that’s totally not me, ha ha! and other manic thoughts, quickly followed by deep introspection.
But what I’ve noticed, mainly in the last few months or so, since I’ve been crisising over 30, career, and life in general – asking myself large questions – is that this duality is true in me, to a T. This duality explains my indecisiveness, my sometimes lack of conviction, and the fact that I vacillate frequently between introvert and extrovert, between Charlotte and Carrie, between wanting to make dinner and wanting to be made dinner, between wanting to get up early and make bread and wanting to stay out all night, between confidence and insecurity. It’s completely exhausting, but, what I’m realizing is: it’s just how I am. Instead of obsessing over how this quality is a fault of mine, I can just embrace it.
I’m up in the Vineyard with an amazing girl Lauren (fellow Gemini) who is writing her first play (I’m so jealous.) She says that being a Gemini is the absolute best, because we fully inhabit the different parts of ourselves. We’re not fickle or weak, it’s genuinely how we are. I find this really, really liberating. Now if you excuse me, I have to go clean my room then get popcorn in my bed; Introduce myself to strangers, then hide in a corner and write poems about them.