Today on I Have Body Issues, Elizabeth* talked me into a full body scrub down at a Korean Spa. I am not usually one for spa treatment. The equivalent for me is when I occasionally do a really good job of shaving my legs. But I agreed, always trusting of her version of a good time, and what followed was three hours of pounding / confusion / naked times / bliss. Basically, you naked around for a bit between a hot tub, steam room and sauna, and then, AND THEN, FOR 90 MINUTES, a Korean woman in the fine black undergarments of the JCPenney’s sale rack for Grandmothers pounds / scrubs / massages you for NINETY MINUTES. Intermittenly, she puts cucumbers on you, throws buckets of warm water on you, climbs on top of you and sticks her elbows into you. Then, she washes your hair, rubs your head and throws milk on your face. If that isn’t Sunday afternoon, I truly don’t know what is. It. Was. Incredible. Unfortunately, afterwards, we were forced to put clothes back on.
* Okay fine. This is ‘technically’ her name. So fine. I’ll use it.