Pirates are killing innocent Americans, New Zealand is wrecked by an earthquake, but in more heartwarming news, WOMAN IS SAVED BY PIZZA. An elderly woman who ordered a pizza from Dominos every day for 3 years. Her delivery gal, pictured, found it strange when she came in on Monday and no order had been phoned in since Friday – so she went to her house, where the woman had fallen and I can’t get upped. The delivery gal called the police – woman saved, WOMAN SAVED BY PIZZA, and we all lived happily ever after, especially me, who just found salty dark chocolate.

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