Today at the gym there were no towels for a good hour. How. Dare. They. I spend a fair amount of time while at the gym thinking about how weird gyms are, and today’s gyms are weird thought, how weird it is, that we expect them to give us towels, like we’re at home. This towel lack thereof reeked complete havoc and angry sweaty people milled about dabbing at themselves with paper towels. I scored a secret one off my cleaner lady friend. In the locker room, I was the only person with towel. Women gave me stanky looks like what did you do to get that towel? Who did you have to kill? like it was the last towel in America; like the towel was fuel.