Creepily loyal fans: I think I have finally watched enough Jersey Shore (4? 5 episodes?) to provide some sort of commentary on it. Honestly, I observe a weird sort of poetry coming out of their mouths. Take Sammi and Ron, and the things they say to each other:

I love you but I hate you right now but I love you right now so I’m going to take care of you right now.

Shakespearean.

And when Snooki and the other one who looks like the rest of them write a secret letter to Sammi, telling of Ron’s cheating, and Ron gets caught – Ron’s response:

I’m definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I’d probably burst into flames to be honest with you.  I think I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?

EVEN MORE SHAKESPEAREAN.