Or: Fantasy Horror Dragon Fiction?

Alright, I will say this, and then speak of it no more. To whomever stole my golden tape measure bracelet, hear this: I magical quest-ed through my credit card statement, found the store where I purchased the thing, called them, told them my tale of woe, and they are sending me a new one and waiving the shipping charge because they are good people with hearts who would never steal anything from a Christmas Party. So, thief, rest assured that I hold no grudge, but rather, feel pity. For when you are out on the town, and someone says, hey, great bracelet! I know your blood will freeze at the very thought of your sin. What will you say? What will you do? Thanks, you will say.

Sinner.