WE FOUND HIM! AND CUT HIM DOWN!
Bert was born and raised in Long Island. He enjoys water, sunlight, being poked by kids, being sawed, having lights strung upon him, and carols sung around him. He also enjoys tapas and looking at pictures of France. Please join me in welcoming him to the family. Well, at least through the holiday season. At which point, when he is brittle and dead, and we will take him to the curb, and he will be turned into mulch.