Last night, I explored a scary potential future version of my Self, as an angry Soccer Mom, or: Kate Gosselin, thanks to my generic  ‘Eight is Enough’ wig. I demanded that children finish their beers! Make their beds! Keep their elbows off the table!

But, it being Halloween and all, my kids were very, very bad.

Dylan, as Rocky 3?, insisted upon doing unfortunate things with his Mr. T doll.

William, as that guy from the Cure, would not stop being angsty and emotional, and Emily, as a tamale, refused to stop being Hot.

Colonel Sanders would not play nicely with Others.

Led Zepplin refused to lay off the whiskey and hold still for the camera.

And Steve insisted upon indoor gymnastics, over and over.

Mom resorted to face-biting to regain control.

That’s what Moms do. Right?