the bachelor – a diatribe

 I am unashamed to admit that I watched the show’s THREE HOUR FINALE in it’s entirety last night. I’ve never really followed a season of the show, but OH, THE SCANDAL! OH, THE OUTRAGE! Facebook statuses throughout the day boldly proclaim, MOLLY SUCKS!

I’m researching a play, okay? Research.

Here’s the d-bag du jour: Jason, a single dad.


Is that a reality tv engagement ring in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? He had narrowed it down to adorable, down the earth Texas – native Melissa (after the first hour, I kind of wanted to marry her) – and Molly, the monotone make up android monster.


And hurrah! He chose Melissa, to my delight. He proposed to her on a hill in New Zealand. You know how proposals go. She said yes. Duh. Then they jumped in a pool with their clothes on.


THEN – the last hour of the show is the ‘after the rose special’ , taped six weeks after the engagement. During this special ‘intimate’ taping, in that live TV / millions of viewers way, Jason breaks up with Melissa, claiming that the spark is gone, and that he can’t help the way that he feels.  Then – THEN – they bring Molly out – and he apologizes and  tells her he wants her back! GUFFAW! Like they hadn’t been ‘texting’ for weeks!

Her mustache quivered, cried, then said okay. May their love flourish forever, and be painfully real.


In summation:

Reality TV sucks and is stupid.

Reality TV is amazing.

I think  I emote like reality TV. Jason’s weepy lines about not being able to help the way that he feels – I’ve totally said that before.


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