What does she DO all day? What is this ‘job’ thing that she does?

Essentially, I spend hours  reasoning with people who hate this:

I know, right? Note the pensive duck statue in the corner by the lamp. I placed that item myself.

The reasoning goes something like: ‘Are you insane? Who do you think you are, a princess?

Oh crap. Right. You actually are a princess. Um, I’m sorry. May I offer you an American Express gift card as cosolation?’

Also I argue with people who claim to have not caused this:

‘Dear. Ms. Brunstetter:

I promise I did not pee on the sofa. I wear it was like that when I got it. Sincerely, the person who obviously peed on their sofa.’

And also, sometimes, obsessively fluffing and ironing these:

I mean, I didn’t go to grad school for nothin.