thanks: a thorough report


I thank the apron.

It was a success, as they say in France, and in 3054 Panther Ridge Lane Lewisville NC 27023. (Stalkers, desist.) It was a success, despite the fact that I threw back a couple of glasses of angst-reducing, finger-bitey chardonnay while waiting for the turkey to finish – and later took ibprofen for some ladypains – so basically – I was high as so many kites during most of the shebang, and was plunged into a coma-esque nap circa 3 minutes after the meal concluded.

Let me begin by noting that my parents’ house is big and beautiful, with lots of windows and light and happy trees to boot.  This provided a pleasant backdrop to my cooking frenzy.



My uncle Robert arrived early BEFORE I had donned myspecialgrownupdress, just as I had finished laying out the pumpkin cupcakes and assorted dessert things:


So my Dad choked him.



Cheese tray in tact, with sharp cheddar, havarti, goat and brie, coupled with the ‘I made ya’ll a dip, ya’ll!’ that Tim’s cute ass girlfriend Olivia brought, appetizering happened as guests arrived. (My Grandma and a few of her friends.) The men ate ruffly chips in the basement (each with their own recliner) as I tried to pretend that 12 things fit in one oven at once.  Ha, I say to that. Ha. Hi, the microwave.

A mere hour later than I anticipated, everything was finally ready, and lunchdinner was ‘served’ if you will, on the finest of Brunstetter heirloom China.


Yes, that is a card table at the end. Yes, I sat at it. Yes, it quivered every time I cut my turkey (which was kind of dry/suck it five times, Whole Foods.)

All in all, people were fed. My stuffing, I have to say, so I will say, was pretty top notch, with little toasted pecan bits, and the green beans were killer for being my first romp with ‘mashed’ garlic. Yeah, I mashed some garlic. Maybe I did.

Fat and happy, we posed, as Really Tall Related People should:


And that, as they say, was a Wrap. You know, like a day after thanksgiving turkey wrap with stuffing bits and cranberry goo. That kind.

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