Ewww/eeee/ughhhh/yow.

People, these little Broadway Babies have INFILTRATED MY APARTMENT.

Causes? Perhaps the abandoned, fermented banana bunch I once planned to make bread with – or my general kitchen apathy as of late – or the Tomato bowl that is starting to grow hair and talk to itself. Whatever it is, I keep cleaning and attempting to kill, and I can’t get rid of them.

So I thought I would google these maestros of irk.

And I quote:

“Fruit flies are common in homes, restaurants, supermarkets and wherever else food is allowed to rot and ferment. Adults are about 1/8 inch long and usually have red eyes. The front portion of the body is tan and the rear portion is black. Fruit flies lay their eggs near the surface of fermenting foods or other moist, organic materials. Upon emerging, the tiny larvae continue to feed near the surface of the fermenting mass. This surface-feeding characteristic of the larvae is significant in that damaged or over-ripened portions of fruits and vegetables can be cut away without having to discard the remainder for fear of retaining any developing larvae. The reproductive potential of fruit flies is enormous; given the opportunity, they will lay about 500 eggs. The entire lifecycle from egg to adult can be completed in about a week.

Fruit flies are especially attracted to ripened fruits and vegetables in the kitchen. But they also will breed in drains, garbage disposals, empty bottles and cans, trash containers, mops and cleaning rags. All that is needed for development is a moist film of fermenting material. Infestations can originate from over-ripened fruits or vegetables that were previously infested and brought into the home. The adults can also fly in from outside through inadequately screened windows and doors.

Fruit flies are primarily nuisance pests. However, they also have the potential to contaminate food with bacteria and other disease-producing organisms.”

I have tried a few remedies, and nothing seems to work. They have been making themselves more and more at home. They are now leaving toothbrushes and boxer briefs here, without my consent. Backstroking through my cheap chardonnay.  Hacking into my myspace account. Not cool, the fruit flies.

So I will do THIS:

HaHA. Take that. I am bigger/smarter. Or at least, bigger. Curling up in a rotten tomato and getting knocked u 500 times sounds pretty great right now.