The last time you purchased new jeans was 3 years ago
Since then you have quit smoking and slowly, elegantly if not effortlessly, gained fifteen pounds
and yet you still shove yourself into the old jeans, which definitely no longer fit, creating a cloud of nihilistic self loathing through which you can no longer even feel the INCREDIBLE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT OF HAVING QUIT SMOKING
no literally you shove yourself into them so much that at the end of the day you don’t so much take them off, as you EMERGE FROM THEM
