I’m turning 40 TOMORROW so last night Mackenzie took me out for one last night hurrah in Hollyweird. Here is a comprehensive list of the things I actually said and did during the course of the evening that confirm WITHOUT A DOUBT that it’s not a ruse or alternate universe or time loop, I AM DEFINITELY 40.
- I had to OD on Tylenol for the ride to the Clerb because prolonged sitting hurts my sciatic nerve
- I CONSIDERED bringing my lumbar support pillow
- In my Lyft, my driver and I discussed property values and school districts.
- At a rooftop bar, I clocked that no one seemed to have a coat, and worried that we would all get Cold once the sun went down
- At the same rooftop bar, when trying to read the cocktail menu on my phone, I couldn’t get the ACCEPT COOKIES pop up to go away so I just gave up and said WINE
- At the same bar, when the bartender gave us our check I said to her quite earnestly, thank you for your attentiveness.
- Walking to the next bar I tripped and nearly face-planted, NOT because of my heels, but because my sensible slides caught on the flat and normal pavement
- At the next bar I sat looking at all of the outfits and actually said out loud, LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ALL ARE
- I ordered my watermelon tequila cocktail ‘without the spicy rim’
- I asked the bartender for a glass of water and then said keep ’em coming, of WATER
- I wondered where everyone’s Mothers were, and how they were doing
- I tried to take a picture of Mack and I, but couldn’t figure out how to turn the flash off, resulting in this picture:
– A cool young (soft porn?) photographer took our picture, so we bought him a drink. He told us he was double booked every day next week, and I said it’s really important that you take care of yourself when you’re busy, you have to make sure you get enough sleep
– and he just kind of looked at me and said for the 90th time, you guys should come Party on the West Side, my friend has a Boat and I’m pretty sure I said, BUT THE SCHOOL DISTRICTS
– I longed for my toddler, and my bed
– MY HEADACHE THIS MORNING