My parents got hitched forty years ago today. Not only have they remarkably stayed married the entire time, they have stayed kind, patient, loving, committed, and have only lit each other on fire ONCE. In honor of their love, here is a short but working list of marriage advice that I have learned by their example:
- If your spouse really wants to eat a block of cheddar cheese and that sausage that comes in those gift baskets at Christmas time, just let them do it.
- When the time comes that the spouse is of a certain age, and it is no longer good for the spouse to eat an entire block of cheddar cheese and that sausage that comes in gift baskets at Christmas, gently tell the spouse that maybe they should consider an alternative snack; spends hours slicing carrots and celery and googling low carb ranch dressing until you find things that your spouse might like to snack on, instead
- when your spouse comes at you about your snack habits and you’ve had a long day at work and you JUST WOULD LIKE SOME CRACKERS AND CHEESE, take a deep breath, remember that she only wishes for you to be in the world as long as humanly possible
- In the spirit of a lifelong quest to surprise and make each other happy, Acquire a puppy
- Don’t be mad at each other when one decides that the puppy is too much to care for at this point in their life and wants to return said puppy, but instead, be patient when RETURNING THAT PUPPY
- Be totally mellow and cool when your spouse gets a motorcycle and wants to ride around with you on it so he purchases for you a full body leather motorcycle riding outfit
- try it on, ONCE
- Say nothing but smile behind your eyes when gradually, he tires of motorcycle, gifts the motorcycle to your son
- Bring home flowers, just because it’s Tuesday
- Make fun of each other whenever possible
- Kiss often
- Try not to light each other on fire